Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Noah Pozner: signs

The girls noticed it first. We heard excited exclamations, then they came running into the kitchen where we were busy tidying up: "Mom! Maminou! Come, come!" I was the nearest to the door and the quickest to answer the call but they held me up: "Wait, Maminou! Mom, come on! You have to come together" and they pulled us by the hands toward the succulent plant standing on a small table in a corner between two corner windows. They stopped a few feet from it. There was a sparkle in their eyes and a joy in their voices that we hadn't seen since Noah died. They didn't mention signs or Noah. They just stood there, transfixed. None of us could recall blooms on this plant the day before: we stared in awe. (I hope some of you will recognize the plant from the above photo and let me know what it is.)
There had been another sign, a couple of hours earlier when most of the household was still asleep. I was up, so was my daughter who had just made the strongest cup of coffee ever (the kind with so much caffein that a spoon practically stands up straight in the mug from the sheer energy of it) and my youngest granddaughter, her niece, who had been up for a while. The baby was playing with crayons, throwing them on the floor, putting them back into the big box when Véronique froze. "Mom, look!" On a branch just outside the window sat a very large bluejay. Its colors were so vivid and its markings so perfectly delineated that it seemed to have been painted or embroidered. It stared at us for maybe a minute then it flew off noiselessly. We looked at each other: Noah had loved blue, he had buried with a blue and white Jewish prayer shawl, he always said he wanted wings so that he could fly. We sat quietly a while more but the bird didn't come back.
On the very same day, my son Alexis decided to rename a folder on his computer and to call it Noah. Renaming a folder is a pretty routine operation and, as all of us, he has done it thousands of times in his computing life. What wasn't routine this time though is that the instant he renamed the folder, all the folders on his drive got renamed Noah. It took him a while to sort everything out again!
Signs and coincidences abound: at the Friday vigil in Newtown, two separate people in two different corners of the soccer field told us they had their candles extinguished when Noah's name was read aloud. On the one-week anniversary of the tragedy just before time came for the minute of silence, members of the family turned on their television set only to have all power go out at their house. Etc., etc.
Were it not for our tremendous loss and pain we might not be assigning any meaning to these occurrences but as it is, we like to read them as tangible signs of Noah's presence and enduring mischievous spirit. If anything they make everybody pause and smile and seeing a smile on the grown-ups' faces clearly comforts the little ones. Since one of the worst aspects of this tragedy beyond the loss of Noah, Noah's deprivation of his entire future and my daughter's bottomless sorrow is to see the little ones grieve, I'd say the more "signs" the better. So, please, Noah, my little one, keep at it! We love knowing that you are still with us.
Merry Christmas, everyone!


23 comments:

  1. Merry Christmas, Farine.... may a thousand bluejays stop by your family window to say hello! It is one of my favorite birds, I remember very well the first time I saw one when I moved to the US. So beautiful...

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  2. Your little Noah is communicating with you all. God bless your family and little noah ; just like his name means comfort, he is comforting you all. Merry Christmas Noah; give a big hug to the other little ones today. <3

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  3. Hello MC,
    The plant is called Schlumbergera or simply Christmas Cactus. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schlumbergera
    Have a good day with the family!

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  4. What a gorgeous Christmas cactus! And, how special that it bloomed now - they can be tricky, and never seem to bloom at Christmas (at least with my luck). Thinking of your family today, Merry Christmas.

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  5. It's a beautiful Christmas cactus. Noah did a great job making it look so lovely for you all! I was reading something by a man who had lost one of his own children many years ago and he wrote this. As I read it I was thinking of you and your family, "...the veil is thin. The same feelings of loyalty, love, and family unity don’t end as our loved ones pass to the other side; instead, those feelings are intensified." I am sure you will have many happenings that will show you that Noah is around and loving all of you.

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  6. How wonderful! Merry Christmas to you. May Noah continue to send his messages of comfort :)

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  7. These are beautiful signs from Noah!! Thank you for sharing them as they are so touching and full of hope, as are all of Noah's stories! I have been praying for Noah and your family today and every day and will continue to do so all the days of my life! I am sending you much love today on this Christmas Day! God bless you and your family:)

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  8. Yes....Noah's signs will uphold all of you...and all of us. TangIble signs of love no matter where we are.

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  9. Merry Christmas to all of you with our love. The Christmas Cactus is beautiful.

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  10. Lets always remember that good prevails over evil, not matter what the circumstances are. Where there is love, there is always hope and consolation. Merry Christmas to everyone!

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  11. Do you find any more sign of Noah? Please keep watching carefully and let us know.

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  12. MC,
    Thanks for sharing your experience here, especially those of Noah being all around you now. I know that when I have friends who die it is as though they are released from the confines of their finite bodies. I experience them as being suddenly everywhere. Your stories support what I have found to be true. I am glad you have eyes to see this and that you do indeed acknowledge it and the beauty and life he is bringing to you all.

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  13. I believe in the signs too, and I hope he will continue showing them to you.
    Please, give hugs to his two little sisters.

    (listen to the song below)

    http://johnedward.net/memorial

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  14. In our family, my brother leaves us pennies in the weirdest places and also makes his picture fall off the wall....often! These bring us comfort and joy. I love that Noah is doing the same for your family! :)

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  15. I just don't know how to post this song to you.. It is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard and for some reason, it just seems important. (not affliated with me beyond getting the CD this year for Christmas).
    Look on youtube... Johnathan and Charlotte The Prayer (from the album Together... not the live version but the studio one). I'm sorry, but I don't remember which of the other blogs I read and mentioned this before. Blessings to you and your family. You are truly in our hearts.

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  16. I sang "tears in heaven" a beautiful ballad by Eric clapton last night and dedicated it to the 20 precious children. I know how you feel. I lost 2 children...one in 1984 and one in 1988. I struggle to keep my 27 year old daughter alive...she is doing pretty well on her second heart transplant. Every day is precious...when you lose children you recognize this and appreciate every single day. It is a gift. Blessed 2013 for you and your family....and I agree. Noah would have been a great man..you can see the keen intelligence on hos eyes.

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  17. It just proves Noah is still there with you, all around you xx

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  18. Beautiful signs and a beautiful flower. I hope he makes it bloom every year.

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  19. Noah is with you.....Sweet Angel continue to show your beautiful spirit.

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  20. Was sitting in a cafe in the park this morning telling my friend about your Noah posts. She suddenly saw a blue jay land on the grass just outside the cafe windows. It took a couple of steps then flew straight across our field of vision & into a tree. I have never seen a blue jay before in this country & I straightaway thought of the brilliant blue: Noah's colour.
    Hello Noah! You made me smile!
    X from Dubai,
    J

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  21. Thank you for sharing this sings of Noah with all of us. My heart aches for you and your family. Its hard to explain how can I feel much pain for someone I have never met.I have an eight year old boy that looks just like beautiful Noah, his name is Nicolas, and we were invited by the parents of Nico's friends to a get together, this happened this past Saturday. As the children were playing running around and doing kids stuff, the adults were talking and looking forward to the super ball to take place on Sunday and all of the sudden Noah came to mind, it happens to me when I least expect it. I thought to my self dear lord help me pray for noah's family and I honestly believe that god works in mysterious ways, I know that just like myself there are many people praying for you all. I will continue to pray for you and your family until god wants me to and I'm certain that Noah will continue to stay in touch with you and the family he loved so much. I know that one day you will see noah again, its the promise from god to those who believe, for now enjoy every little sign, every little detail, every kiss from the wind, every drop of rain because they are gifts from god and from Noah!

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    Replies
    1. Wonderfully expressed Anonymous.

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