Thursday, January 10, 2013
Noah Pozner: missing it all for the greater good?
Veronique always said of her twins that they were so close to each other they would derive great strength from their bond throughout their lives. I had imagined them going out on double dates, having kids that would in turn be best friends. All this is now gone because a complete stranger who was obviously not right in his mind (if he was and still did what he did, then I don't know that he qualified as human) decided to assuage his own demons by taking as many lives as he could before taking his own and chose to do so in an elementary school where he knew nobody would be able to stop him.
I haven't spoken of this deranged boy before and won't now. I know nothing about him and I can't even bring myself to say or write his name as it would be making him too much of a person and I might be tempted to start hating. I don't want to be stuck in a place of darkness, so the only way I can deal with his actions is to blot him out, to remain numb to who he was.
I do hope however that we will find out what drove him to do what he did, if only to help prevent the recurrence of such mass murders. I fully agree that gun control is only one aspect of the tragedy and that, given the number of rampage weapons present in this country, both legal and illegal, it is probably too little, too late (although I fully support any legislation that would put a stop to the proliferation). But there is much more: there are mental health and societal issues, there may be drug or medication issues, there is the urgent need to protect our schools at least as well as we protect our banks (and allocate money to this purpose in our budgets), there are moral issues (what can we do to make our nation less violent?), etc.
Yes, much is to be done and if our country becomes safer because of the loss of twenty little kids and six of their educators on December 14, 2012, then it might be possible to think that Noah and the others didn't die in vain, that their lives were interrupted and stolen from them for the greater good.
We are not there yet. My job as Noah's grandmother is to help keep him alive in our collective mind so that he can make a difference. His loss and ours won't be less painful but they may not remain meaningless. As for the deranged boy who blotted out his future, if we ever understand what drove him to this horrific act and this new awareness helps prevent future tragedies, I might find it in my heart to use his name and maybe, maybe, one day, to try and forgive him.