Saturday, January 5, 2013
Noah Pozner: one day...
As a family, we are working our way through extraordinary grief. It helps more than I can say to have your support and comfort but ultimately each of us will have to find his or her own path out of this darkness or, at least, as close to the light as possible. I suspect that it will be a lifelong endeavor and that we will never go back to who we were before December 14th.
All families and family members grieve differently and while some working through of our collective sorrow does indeed happen on this blog, it is only the tip of a gigantic iceberg that hasn't even begun to melt on the surface. I feel lucky and privileged to have words. Some of us don't. Those who have it the hardest may be the ones who are walled in their own silence, enduring a loss they cannot possibly bear.
The day I will run out of photos is fast approaching and I dread it: as long as I can look everyday at Noah's little face and recall a different memory, I can believe for a nanosecond that he'll be back. It may sound crazy but it does help. Once that stops and it becomes clear that there will be never be anymore pictures, the crutch will be gone and the harsh reality of his loss will become even more acute.
On that day though, I know the girls will help. There is no better way to bring joy and light into their eyes than to get them to talk about Noah: although they know he's gone, they speak of him in the present and he clearly remains very much alive for them. They can achieve something that mere pictures could never do: weave the past together with the present and the future and carry the whole family forward, Noah included.