Saturday, January 5, 2013

Noah Pozner: one day...

...I will run out of photos of Noah. Of course I have many more of him with his siblings and some of you have asked to see those. But these family pictures are a source of both immense sorrow and great joy and they are too private to share, not to mention the fact that the surviving children have the absolute right to remain what they are, just regular kids. So these pictures will never be posted.
As a family, we are working our way through extraordinary grief. It helps more than I can say to have your support and comfort but ultimately each of us will have to find his or her own path out of this darkness or, at least, as close to the light as possible. I suspect that it will be a lifelong endeavor and that we will never go back to who we were before December 14th.
All families and family members grieve differently and while some working through of our collective sorrow does indeed happen on this blog, it is only the tip of a gigantic iceberg that hasn't even begun to melt on the surface. I feel lucky and privileged to have words. Some of us don't. Those who have it the hardest may be the ones who are walled in their own silence, enduring a loss they cannot possibly bear.
The day I will run out of photos is fast approaching and I dread it: as long as I can look everyday at Noah's little face and recall a different memory, I can believe for a nanosecond that he'll be back. It may sound crazy but it does help. Once that stops and it becomes clear that there will be never be anymore pictures, the crutch will be gone and the harsh reality of his loss will become even more acute.
On that day though, I know the girls will help. There is no better way to bring joy and light into their eyes than to get them to talk about Noah: although they know he's gone, they speak of him in the present and he clearly remains very much alive for them. They can achieve something that mere pictures could never do: weave the past together with the present and the future and carry the whole family forward, Noah included.

27 comments:

  1. I think of your precious Noah everyday. He must have really been something special because he has changed so many lives. I just recently found your blog but have been reading posts on other sites and your boy is loved around the world. His photos and your words are very comforting. The meaning of Noah's name is comfort. I have a son named Noah and will forever think of your baby each time I look at mine. Noah will always be with you. He is alive inside of you and those precious memories you've made. I read a book last night called Heaven is for Real. I would like to send it to you. I also have the childrens version for Noahs siblings. I think it will help you find peace knowing your boy is a sweet angel in heaven and he is with all his friends. I wish I could turn back time but we cant we can only move forward and I pray for you and your family as you do. You are an amazingly strong person and have really helped me through this. You are an inspiration and I will continue to pray for your strength. Remember although Noah is gone from the physical world he is very much alive in spirit :)......Grace gdny1@aol.com

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  2. Those of us who love photos also know that there is no greater memory than what our mind and heart has photographed.

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  3. Beautifully said. I asked so
    Many of my friends and family to pray for all
    Of you. Know you have friends that are sending constant love, light, and prayers. Just showed my friend Gilah Noah's picture on my iPhone this am. I was telling her how this angel has touched my soul...when I showed her the pic, she said I knew before you showed me which boy it was. Noah has impacted all of us. Etched in our minds and hearts forever. Never forgotten xoxoxo

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  4. I know i've never met your family or Noah, but I think of you all everyday. From the moment I saw noahs photo I just can't get him out of my mind. Just know as time passes things may change but ppl like me a complete stranger will remember Noah forever!

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  5. MC, maybe one day you can put this blog into a book. Your willingness to let us into your heart is so selfless and inspiring. To be able to share at this time helps us all work through this, with your words, we hear the love and hope rather than the media coverage which quickly moves on.

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  7. Thank you for sharing your pictures of Noah. Noah will continue to live on through his sister's, especially Arielle since they are twins and not even death can break their bond.

    I am sure as time passes you will see signs that Noah is still around, you just can't see him.

    No I am not a freak or a ghost hunter. I lost my sister-in-law suddenly in 2008 from a heart attack. She passed in the house that my brother still lives in. Things happen there a lot.

    Just keep believing that Noah will always be near and will send you signs.

    You and your family along with the rest of the Newtown victims have my utmost sympathy and admiration. It will be a long road......one step at a time.

    Fran P.
    Stoughton, MA

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  8. Hello Dear MC,

    Can you please share some information how other (older) siblings are doing? I know Danielle was very close with Noah. How is Veronique? How was the first day of school for Sofia and Arielle? I know I am asking too many questions but it would help all of us here to know that the family doing ok and at least trying to get back to normalcy. thank you so much for all the pictures and stories you posted...

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  9. MC. Your posts are a part of your grieving process, just as reading them is part of ours. I encourage you to continue writing, pictures or not. Please understand that people are now connected, emotionally and spiritually to your family, through Noah. While I wish you'd keep on blogging about Noah and your family forever, I hope that when you feel the need to stop, that you post every now and then how the family is doing, what they've been up to.

    One thing you've encouraged me to do is get out my camera and my journal. Not only is your writing sublime, your photos are thoughtful and well composed. They convey elements far greater than their two dimensional images. Noah is very much alive in them. I can only hope to aspire to your abilities. You should have been a photo-journalist!

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  10. Oh how my heart aches for you, your family, and every effected by this unimaginable horror. Please know that you and the many families in the Sandy Hook, CT still remain in my thoughts and prayers.

    My hope for you, is one day, when you are ready, you will create and bake bread for Noah. Noah bread. This can combine your passion for baking and your GREAT love for Noah. This bread can be baked for holidays, and the recipe can be passed through the family so if you are not together you still have a tradition that remembers Noah.

    May God bless in you in the days ahead.

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  11. Dearest MC,
    Your posts & pictures are moving beyond words, and will keep Noah in the hearts of more people than you know. Thank you.
    I also was thinking of bread, Noah's Bread, developed with his flavors & characteristics, as only his Maminou could do. Perhaps the other children could contribute their ideas. A bread you could teach us to make, so we also, could pass it on to friends & family for generations, along with the story of Noah.
    ml

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    1. Nice idea. Noah bread. I'm in. Let me know how.... in detail, please. Cooking/baking is not one of my strengths, but I'm definitely willing to try.

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  12. Ever since this tragedy occurred, I have thought of Noah and your family every day. I have a son who is the same age and the parallels between the two boys are endless and this fact has brought Noah's memory very close to my own heart. As I sit and watch my son and compare the similarities my heart aches for you and your family. I cannot even begin to imagine the sorrow and pain you must be feeling.
    I try every day to find some way to help ease the pain you, and others, must be feeling (although I know that nothing could ever fix what has occurred). Recently a close friend of mine shared with me that when she lost a loved one unexpectedly there was one thing that brought much comfort to her, a quilt. She had a quilt made out of her loved ones clothes. She said this tangible item helped her to not only remember him, but to feel like she was holding him close and it brought her immense comfort.
    I read your posts multiple times a day, and if this is something you, or your family members are interested in doing I live fairly close in New York and would be more than willing to find who did this quilt and set up having one (or multiple ones) made for you and your family.

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  13. What a handsome boy...he looks like he is getting ready to hammer someone. Thank you again for sharing ;)

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  14. More love and hugs from Australia. I look forward to when you return to your bread making blog; as an avid cook myself I am sure that I have much to learn from your obviously prodigious bread making talents. In the meantime, thank you (again) for sharing Noah with all of us around the world.

    If you haven't already seen it, I'd like to refer you to a moving tribute written by a couple of Newtown alumni, following the tragedy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFcGWjJaHcA

    He concludes the song by quoting an anonymous Jewish prisoner incarcerated during WW2.
    I believe in the sun
    
even when it is not shining
    
And I believe in love,
    
even when there's no one there.

    And I believe in God,
    
even when he is silent.

    I hope these words bring you as much strength and comfort as they do to my family.

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  15. Thank you so much for sharing these pictures and for sharing Noah. My heart breaks so much for you and your family and for Noah. It's amazing how he's touched me, even though I'd never met him. When I look at my son, who's 7, all I can think is how much alike he and Noah are. They'd have gotten along like a house on fire, and probably would have gotten into all sorts of mischief together.

    Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am for your loss, and how grateful I am that you've chosen to share this wonderful little man and let us get to know him a little better. My eyes tear up with each story, but they were just so wonderful and they make me smile at the same time. Many hugs and prayers for all of you.

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  16. I have been going back and forth for several hours at your blog, wanting to leave a reply, but being at loss for words, or the right ones.
    I want to express my greatest sympathy to you and I feel such grief for your loss.
    Noah is such a beautiful boy, he just caught my eye, I think a lot about him and I think I always will. I have a 5 year old boy, and they look so similar, and mine is also pretty fresh:-)
    We live in Norway, so far away, but still close. If there is anything we can do for you from here, please let me know.susannflenes@hotmail.com
    I wish you all the best, and you take such good care of each other. In all this tragedy it is still very very good to heard you tell about all the kindness you are shown and are a part of.
    All my love to you.

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  17. You are amazing - with your strength and courage! Janet

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  18. MC, you dont owe us anything, I am so grateful for what you have already shared. I will never forget your little Noah and pray for him and your family daily. Thank you

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  19. MC,I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping uploading new pictures everyday of our Angel Noah, it makes me feel so much better each time i get to see a new pic of him.. I will never forget this Angel,that's the reason why i will always call him Angel Noah..

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  20. You are so right that each person has to find their own way through grief.

    Something such as this tragedy can become almost bigger than the victims themselves. So thank you for making it personal as we pray for you and your most precious family. It isn't about the bigness of the event. It is about the smallness of the tiniest children no longer here. We lost a 5 year old to cancer. I don't know that the loss is ever gone because they are forever gone.

    However, please know that God will give you the strength to bring your family through to happiness again. It doesn't mean forgetting. No one forgets a child that leaves this world too soon. No grandmother, mother, father or sister will ever have the moment of not remembering Noah. Rather, the space in your hearts for Noah is always filled by him having been here. Thank God for those amazing 6 years. And until you're all together again, God has purposes for each of you. I hope they are as big as Noah's personality for then you will all change the world as you know it.

    In my prayers daily and will be long after the media stops rolling, the routine of life happens and the grief continues.

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  21. Thank you…simply thank you for all you are sharing here.

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  22. I read about Noah in other places, the pain of his loss much be incredible. Thank you for sharing his beautiful picture. My heart is with you and your family.

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  23. I lost someone so dear to me and so loved almost ten years ago. His voice and his face and memory are just as fresh in my mind as the day he was so suddenly taken. The intense painmhas lessened but his memory hasn't.

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  24. I loved every word you have said on Noah, he is so pure and innocent and such a blessing, "it is better to have love and lost, than to have never loved at all." Noah and his family were a blessing to each other and loved each other very much, and though he has been lost in body, he is not lost in spirit or in thought. That saying I will always remember from my home country, England (UK). I live in Canada and my 3 year old son was born here. I too find similarities in my child in what you say on Noah, I can't imagine the unbearable loss you all must be feeling. I hug my child more daily now and I cry daily over Noah and all of the victims but mostly Noah who always springs to mind first, then Dylan, Jessica and all of them really. Noah as he was the youngest and had the most tragedy done to him, 11 times shot is shocking and disgusting and I was shocked at what happened to his gorgeous little body, it makes me very angry as well as very sad and I cry daily. I hope he didn't suffer and it was over so fast that he didn't even know what had happened to him or what was happening to him, I hope he felt nothing as that is all I can hope under the circumstances, I wish it had not happened at all, and wish it could have been prevented and that you could still all have your Noah in your arms daily. I can believe it is harder for those left behind who are left to deal with the huge loss in the family and having to move on awithout him physically there though there in thoughts always and in spirit, as well as not knowing 'why?' it had to happen at all. Love to Noah and all of his family, I love you Noah xx You were and will always be very much loved and never forgotten. He knows he is loved by his family, very very much. Until you all meet and are together again.. xx

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  25. Can you post a picture of Noah with his mom? I haven't seen any.

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