Thursday, January 3, 2013

Noah Pozner: three weeks tomorrow

It'll be three weeks tomorrow since Noah was taken from us. I sort through the photos I took over the years and wish I had taken more. It is a great comfort to see his face and yet I wonder if, as time goes by, the pictures may not make it harder to imagine him growing up. I don't want to think of him forever as a little boy. Because of his twin and for the sake of his other siblings and of his cousins, I don't want him stuck in time. Already the girls are playing the game: "What would Noah say?" or "What would Noah do?" They try to imitate his voice, his tone, his expressions: it makes them laugh. They rejoice in every little bit of him that they are able to bring back. I want these memories kept alive but I want more too. I want the girls and all of us to give him space to grow and change. Two, four, ten years from now, I want them to be able to ask: "What would Noah say?" or "What would Noah do?" and come up with an answer that will bring them comfort and, maybe, maybe, some degree of happiness. I am not sure yet how we will do it but we are learning as we go. We'll find a way. The pictures will take care of themselves. For now they help.

35 comments:

  1. MC I truly believe that as time goes on, all you will have to do
    Is to ask Noah what he would say or do. I believe that he will
    Always be with his loving family, and in his own way will always answer. Thank you for letting me, a complete stranger,
    Into your family to love Noah, too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. MC your words comfort me so much...I believe our loved ones always age...I agree with the prior post..."I also thank you for letting me, a complete stranger, into your family to love Noah too"...I love you and your family...I'm praying for you and your family...and I alway's speak to Noah, that brings me comfort.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've downloaded all available photos of Noah from internet, this blogs is the biggest resource. Beside this i've come to know many things about Noah from this blog. We also feel for Noah, please keep posting about Noah and his family.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thinking of Noah's sisters and the siblings of all the other children killed as they return to school today. Also thinking about Victoria Soto's 1st graders who will return to a much smaller class and a new teacher. May God be with all of them as they walk through those doors and give them strength to rebuild this part of their lives!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think about your family every day and I send you love and light and compassion each time I do.

    ReplyDelete
  6. MC, my experience after losing my baby is that the stages of grief did not happen as a checklist or levels but more of a fluctuation of emotion that changes day by day, sometimes hour by hour, and in the beginning minute by minute. Please be gentle with yourself.
    Thank you for honoring your beautiful grandson Noah with such loving and tender words and thank you for sharing them with us. Maybe you will always write to Noah or about Noah. Weather you choose to do that in private may change. I write to my baby 4 years later, it has helped me tremendously. I do believe Noah can hear you when you talk to him or write to him. My heart goes out to and your beautiful family.
    Jennifer

    ReplyDelete
  7. I wrote this poem for a baby I lost and modified it a little for you recently. I pray each night that God scoops Noah up into his lap and shows him how he has brought strangers around the world together in love because of his life..... I also think we all have a new appreciation of Tacos :)

    I also at 39 years of age had twins (boy & girl) they are now three. I think this is why Noah's life has captured me.

    "Always In Our Hearts"

    Six Years ago - you were born,
    A dream from within our heart.
    Like a vapor in time - you drifted by,
    A tiny life ... just at it's start.

    We envisioned you in our daily lives,
    As a gift that God would impart.
    Too special to share with the rest of the world,
    To forever remain in our heart.

    Through your Arielle that God left with us,
    We'll catch some small glimpses in part....
    Of your smile, your laugh, your sleeping face-
    We'll never truly be apart.

    A child of ours for eternity;
    Our memories and love won't depart.
    Today you are in God's hands......
    But you'll always be in our heart.

    Sherri Tan

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thinking of you and praying for you dear friend (hugs)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hello MC, I have been reading your posts as they arrive each day, I pause, I think of you and your beloved family, and the busy rushing-past-at-topspeed world goes a little quiet each day. Sending you good thoughts and gentle love xxx Joanna

    ReplyDelete
  10. If only I were better than human. If only I had the powers of a super hero. I would have gladly laid my life down to have
    Kept these babies with their families. A piece of my heart did go with them.

    ReplyDelete
  11. So many people are still thinking and praying for all of the victim's families. I hope you can find some comfort in all of the outpouring of love that has been sent your way. May God bless you all.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Angel Noah is so beautiful....love all of these pictures. What a handsome little man. I love him so much...and send my love to you all. XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dear MC, thank you again for new post, I check every day your blog.
    And thank you also for another marvellous photo of Noah, he looked like an angel, and he is now one for sure.
    You wrote you want to give him space to grow and change.
    Maybe you could do the same as they do in those missing persons series on TV, when they take last photo of the missing person and by using some computer program they create image how would this person look like in a year, two or more.? Hope this is possible for real not just on tv?
    I hope you understand what I meant (english is not my native language).

    My heart goes out to you and your beautiful family.
    Hugs for the little girls from Europe.

    ReplyDelete
  14. My words feel inadequate. I have been thinking of you and your daughter and Noah daily. I come to your blog post to read about sweet Noah. As a grieving mother of an infant loss 10 months ago, I can "relate" to the loss of a child but will never understand the specifics of your trauma. Grief is unique and complex to say the least. My wish for you all is to find peaceful moments and moments of light during this unwanted journey. You have a beauiful way with expressing yourself. And you are a beautiful grandmother and supportive mother. May God wrap his loving arms around you all who love Noah so very very much and may he never let you go....

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thank you again, MC for another beautiful photo of your grandson, Noah. It is really hard not to love Noah. I feel, in my heart, that he hears your prayers and thoughts and your love from beyond. He really had many nice qualities, I have to agree with your son, that Noah would have grown to be a great man. I will pray for his soul and your family this week.

    Love to your beautiful family.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Mc, how are you? How is Noah's Mama?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Noah has captured my heart I grieve for him . I also pray for him and am doing acts of kindness in his name. I think of him several times a day and I dont think will ever understand the cruel act that took him from you , but we must keep talking about all of these children put it out there daily so this never happens again. thank you for haring memories f Noah this blog has brought me some peace.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dear MC, I wrote on this blog a few days ago. I had found this site while reading about Noah online. I will not rewrite everything I said to you, but I did want to share something with you. It was Noah who helped me find this spot which has allowed me to enjoy the memories, stories and pictures that you post about your wonderful grandson and it has also planted the seed of interest in baking bread. So, you can say that Noah brought me here. I have tried to make bread and have always failed. I have begun exploring your site and I am going to try my hand at baking bread again. My children have asked me why I never bake bread and I have always told them it's because 'Momma is no good at it". Years ago I lived in Finland and loved this one type of bread so, thanks to Noah I am going to try my hand at it again. I just wanted to let you know that even though it may sound silly it was Noah who brought me here. I keep Noah in my thoughts everyday and I wish you and your family peace and comfort in this difficult time. Liz

    ReplyDelete
  19. I would really like to help in whatever way you find to remember Noah. I'm sure many others would be more than willing to help also. His life mattered all the lives lost mattered. In my lifetime I have never known such a tragedy young children being taken away so ruthlessly. We must find a way to never ever forget little Noah please accept my help in whatever avenue you may find to do this.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Signora Mc le riporto ciò che ho scritto sulla pagina FB dedicata a Noah un abbraccio e grazie per quello che riesce a trasmetterci con la sua eccellente scrittura:
    Noah sin dal primo giorno mi sei entrato nel cuore. Sono lontana ma sto inviando questo messaggio a tutti voi piccoli innocenti. Voglio che tutte le vostre famiglie sappiano che anche per noi niente sarà come prima del 14 dicembre.... vogliamo mantenere sempre questo filo sul web ..per non dimenticare e poter amare anche noi questi figli innocenti la cui vita è stata strappata non in un paese in guerra non in un paese sottosviluppato o in una civiltà arcaica e crudele ..ma nel tepore delle loro famiglie, delle loro sicurezze... Siamo tanto lontani, vi scrivo dall'Italia, l'avrete capito, ma mi sento anche tanto tanto vicina perchè il cuore non ha confini.....

    ReplyDelete
  21. I grew up in bethel ct and lived my whole young life there. This has hurt me to the core...and then I imagine how you all must be grieving. As a mother, as a local, as a daughter...thank you for sharing your beautiful boy with us. We will always remember how special he is. Love and hugs, you are in my constant thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Bless you, mourning Mother. The terrible loss you suffer brings out a most glorious and inspiring radiant love for your son. You exist on a "plane" most of us only wonder and fear. Bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Meu nome é Patrícia e vivo no Brasil. Gostaria que soubesse que mesmo estando tão longe e não falando sua lingua, a historia de Noah me tocou profundamente. Tenho um filho de 15 anos e como mãe não consigo imaginar uma dor como a que a sua família está passando. Oro a Deus todos dos dias pelas crianças que se foram e principalmente por Noah, seus irmãos, por você MC e por sua filha Veronique. A corrente de amor que está sendo enviada a vocês agora pelo mundo todo foi gerada pelo sorriso lindo, pela pureza, alegria e amor que emana de Noah nas fotos. Nunca me esquecerei de Noah e meu coração estará sempre com vocês. Sempre terão uma amiga que ora por vocês do Brasil.
    Com amor, Patrícia Renata de Carvalho.

    ReplyDelete
  24. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Meu nome é Patrícia e vivo no Brasil. Gostaria que soubesse que mesmo estando tão longe e não falando sua lingua, a historia de Noah me tocou profundamente. Tenho um filho de 15 anos e como mãe não consigo imaginar uma dor como a que a sua família está passando. Oro a Deus todos dos dias pelas crianças que se foram e principalmente por Noah, seus irmãos, por você MC e por sua filha Veronique. A corrente de amor que está sendo enviada a vocês agora pelo mundo todo foi gerada pelo sorriso lindo, pela pureza, alegria e amor que emana de Noah nas fotos. Nunca me esquecerei de Noah e meu coração estará sempre com vocês. Sempre terão uma amiga que ora por vocês do Brasil.
    Com amor, Patrícia Renata de Carvalho.

    ReplyDelete
  26. three weeks! I had never heard of Noah or his family but now Noah and his mom is on my mind constantly. I did read all the articles and visited all the websites where I could find any information about Noah and his family. There are so many wonderful pictures taken of Noah and his siblings. I really wanted to say that Noah's mom is a real MOM, she is a very strong woman who does not affraid to express herself. I do admire her strenght and praying for God to send her as much comfort as possible and for Noah show her any signs that he is ok where he is... God Bless you, your family and Noah!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Now how is Noah's sisters and brother? Can you post their photos also? How they pass their days now? Hope his mother will join her job soon.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dearest MC I just absolutely have to share with you and your family an experience that I had yesterday. To understand this, you will have to know just a little about me. I am 43 years old with 3 children ages 2, 8 and 11. Their dad, my estranged husband, found himself other interest so that leaves me being a single mother. I have not requested child support so it trickles
    In when he starts to fill guilty. I work very hard to maintain the lifestyle the boys had prior to the seperation, they should
    Not be deprived because the adults in their life can't get it right. I work a salary position and get paid on the first business
    Day of every month. Yesterday when I got paid I went to the bank to deposit my check, I work for a small business that does not offer direct deposit. I withdrew 200 to do routine things with. There is a local market that I stop in once per month to make the same purchase. This purchase is always $89 ans some change. I was down to my last $100 cash in the denomination of five $20 bills. I counted my money twice before getting out of the car. I KNOW THIS IS ALL THE MONEY THAT I HAD. Standing in line waiting to pay, there was an elderly lady in front of me. She caught my eye because of the tremors she was experiencing, Parkinson's maybe? She laid a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk on the counter and proceeded to tell the cashier that she would be paying with ebt, food stamps, but she did not know if she had enough on her card. At this point I interjected by telling the cashier that today I would be paying for the ladies bread and milk, in the process handing her one of my $20 bills.
    The lady turned to thank me with a hug. I told her to just remember that Noah bought her bread and milk. (I done this knowing that by the first of next month buying my own bread and milk might be rough.) I am not even sure that she knew who I was talking about but clearly the expression on the cashiers face told me that she (the cashier) absolutely knew who I was speaking of. Silence fell for just a moment then it was my turn to pay for my own purchase. As usual my total was $89 and some change.
    I should have been holding four $20's a $10 and four ones with some change, but instead I was holding five $20's, a $10 and four $1's with some change. This, I will always believe, was Noah. I know that as long as we do good in his name and memory he will forever be present. With much love....

    ReplyDelete
  29. Soon after the shooting I wrote a blog article putting down my thoughts. I wanted to share it with you and assure you that there are millions of people in this country who are not going to forget your precious grandson or any of the other children and educators lost. I hope we all continue to "imagine" them for many years to come.

    http://writefromscratch.wordpress.com/2012/12/19/our-duty-to-imagine/

    ReplyDelete
  30. Your words for your grandson, Noah, and your family are beautiful. Thank you for sharing stories of him and his siblings. They weave a rich tapestry of memories no one can take away. My heart breaks for you, your daughter and your family. I will forever remember Noah<3

    ReplyDelete
  31. Thank you for sharing Noah with us. I did not have the pleasure of knowing him but his face and his stories have captured my heart. I find I cry for him and it is so strange because I did not know him. As a parent myself I can't even imagine what you and your daughter are going through. I hope you find strength in writing this blog. I have read articles about your daughter and I admire her so. She seems like an amazing women and mother. Noah was so blessed to have someone like her to guide and love him.

    ReplyDelete
  32. My heart aches everyday for the family of Noah. I firmly believe Noah was an Angel and always will be. I had a dream of Noah that I wanted to share. Noah was wearing all White clothing. As if it was an older time period. He had golden light all around him. And was standing next to his mom, on her right side, just behind her. He was wearing a button-up shirt, And kindly asked his mother to please help him with buttoning it up. His mother was on the phone, as he was asking her. He repeated it. Because she didn't hear him. But as I woke up from the dream, I realized, he wasn't standing.......he was floating about 4 feet from the ground. He is trying his best to get his mom to realize that he is there, and he talks to her. When time comes, and everything calms, I hope his mom will soon see him in her dreams as well. Its good medicine for the heart and soul.......because you get that comfort of knowing.....He is okay!
    I'm also a twin. Twins have this different connection to the world. Arielle will always have that in her heart. God bless you all.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Thank you for sharing all the stories, pics and progress of how your family is doing. I think of Noah everyday, which bring both smiles and tears. He reminds me a lot of my son Brooks, who is 2, with those gorgeous eyelashes and enthusiatic spirit. From reading your previous postings, it sounds like Noah could use his charms to get what he wanted. Whenever I try and scold my little one, he squints his nose, smiles, cocks his head to the side and kisses me. I do my best to keep a straight face, but it is so hard not to kiss him back. I imagine Noah being the same way. I pray to God every night that he brings peace and comfort to your family and the other families who lost loved ones. I think about Noah's sisters (Sophia and Arielle) and can't imagine how much they are missing their brother. It is nice to hear that they are playing games like "What would Noah say". It breaks my heart that they will not be able to grow up with such a spirited soul. Thinking of Noah, in particular, prompted me to write quite a lengthy letter to my elected officials regarding gun violence and mental health issues. I sent them off this evening and I am anxiously awaiting a response. I felt like I had to do something other than cry everyday for these children and their teachers. I have prayed to my grandmother, who passed away in 2004, to find Noah and give him a big hug. Please know that your family is thought of daily and I know that posting your fondest memories of your Noah is helping your healing.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I cry daily when I read about Noah and what his family must be going through as it's something I doubt I would get over, losing a child in this way, so I can believe Noah's family must cry many times more daily at every thought and memory/ flashback of him or anything that reminds you all of him, and wanting to hear his boots stomping through the house again and to hug him close. Thank you for sharing your pages and pictures of Noah, therefore letting us know more about him and feel close to him too. I wish I could have had the pleasure of having met your Noah, maybe one day I still will x

    As to your other Grandchildren, I too am very careful about not sharing pictures of my child publicly. I have them privately set for my friends and family see only and I always tell his school that I am not happy for them to take his picture for publicity reasons on the internet etc, as you can never be too careful these days, plus I always read the small print and they stated they are not held liable if anything happens as a result of this anyway. Similarly, you are very wise to choose not to post pictures of your other grand children on here and I can only respect you for that and for maintaining their privacy as a result. Noah, and your family are in our thoughts daily.

    ReplyDelete
  35. May you and your family take strength from those of us who will never forget, who think of you and all of the familes every day, and who would help share the burden of your grief if only we could. I hope you feel enveloped by the caring of people you don't even know, that it wraps itself around you and helps lift you up. I hope that you feel this love and support, especially in the coming days, and know that this is Noah and his friends continuing to make their presence felt in the world through all of us.

    ReplyDelete

 

Blog Designed by: Deanna @ Design Chicky