Thursday, February 14, 2013

Two months ago today in Newtown, CT

Two months already? Or two months only? I can't tell. Time stretches and compresses without warning. My only certitude is that, two months after the tragedy, it remains impossible to come to terms with what happened.
But today is Valentine's Day and I want to tell you a story: a few weeks ago, one of my little granddaughters came to me as I was sitting at the computer. She asked: "Maminou, what's your talent?" I was taken aback at first, then I remembered that the girls had just watched (and watched and watched) The Secret of the Wings, a Disney fairy movie where everyone has a talent waiting to be discovered. I thought for a minute, then recalling that when we meet after a long separation the first thing she asks is always "Did you bring us bread?", I said: "Bread!" She nodded, satisfied.
Then I asked: "And what's your talent?" She was quiet for a while, then she replied with a shy smile: "Loving! I think my talent is for loving..." I held her close. She didn't say anything for a while, then she looked directly into my eyes: "Do I have to love the bad guy who came into the school?" I told her she didn't and she looked relieved, as if something tight had just unwound inside her.
Love as a talent. I never thought of it that way but it makes sense. A gift that lies dormant at birth and needs to be awakened and nurtured.
Love as a choice. Some of us place themselves deliberately outside the circles. They cannot be trusted with love. Maybe because their talent was never discovered. Maybe because they never had it in the first place. I don't know. But I like it that my little granddaughter is already working on setting boundaries for herself.
Two months ago today in Newtown, CT, a shooter chose to rob twenty-six innocents of their lives and to tear them away from their loved ones. These flowers are for the victims and for the survivors. For all of us who choose love. For all of us who understand, like my granddaughter, that not loving doesn't mean hating. That there is another way...

37 comments:

  1. LOVE. That is exactly why this hurts in places that some of us never knew existed. PEACE, I am not sure for me that it will ever come again. REMEMBER...always.

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    1. Eloquently said Anonymous...my feelings also.

      We are with you MC.

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  2. I would like to take this opportunity to let you know that every Valentine my son gave out today,from family to friends at school and his teachers are all in memory of the 26 angels taken far too soon from this earth. love is a gift and we as a.society need to tap into that sentiment so that we remember what is important.I also want to say that not a day goes by that every morning when I leave my son at his little school and hug him good bye,I hold on a little longer for both him and noah.- Stephanie

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  3. Beautiful photos. Thinking of you all today and every day.

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  4. Whenever I have a free moment I check your blog. Noah and his classmates will forever be in my heart.I'm sure they're having a very happy valentine's day up in heaven. <3 Kati, MA

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  5. lost for words as always...with tears welted in my eyes...my heart cries for the children and their families!!!! Your words are beautiful...please keep writing!! Noah is never too far out of my thoughts...remembering always!!! Love to his family!!!

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  6. COmpletely lost for words, but not for tears.

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  7. They are wiser than we know. Maybe God gives them this insight to help them cope with things no one of any age should ever deal with. Love is a talent, Love is a gift. I believe the untainted love of children is truly of God.

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  8. Lovely photos of the tulips, MC; however, no photo could be more beautiful than your grandson, Noah. Children are so unpredictable and wonderful. Loving as a talent...I like that,and it is what the world needs more of, healing. Some people are, indeed, better able to love others; mothers, etc.

    Continued healing and love,

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  9. Your granddaughter, along with your beautiful grandson Noah, seem wise beyond their years. Valentine's day is the celebration of LOVE! Let us love one another in remembrance of these 26 angels. xoxoxo
    The pictures are beautiful as always!

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  10. MC, in looking back at your pictures, I am reminded of what my "Grannie" always taught me as a child. Hate the sin, but love the sinner. I communicate this with the last picture posted today. For if we do not love we are beautiful tulips seperaed from our stems. This only means that we are not complete and as beautiful as we were meant to be. I hope only love grows in your Granddaughter's heart, for it is easier to grow a child than repair an adult. With the warmest of thoughts, love and admiration for you and your family, and thank you for all that you have shared.

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  11. Blessings...for you and your family. Thank you so much for sharing your reflections and some details of (your) family
    life that are so very compelling and endearing. The pictures are beautiful and peaceful. LOVE may be a gift, a talent,
    a raison d'etre...and let us all recognize~ it can be cultivated! Marla (St. Louis)

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  12. i like noah's taco. wish he was sick and he did not go to school that day - caelan or for short
    cae
    Those were my seven year old son's thoughts and he begged me to let him write as he loves reading all posts on NOAH.
    Every night when I tuck him in I hold him tighter for Noah and whisper a prayer for Noah and all his friends lost on that day. God bless you and all the lost Angels families, friends and people affected by this senseless tragedy with love, peace and comfort with the knowledge that our Angels are in a better place looking down on us with love, a safer place where there is only love and nobody can harm them anymore.

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  13. Was glad to see your name in my email...today my class had their Valentine's party. My thoughts went to Noah and the others. Sadness swept over me.
    Thinking of you and your family on this day of love.

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  14. Today as I worked and had to write the date I realized that time is one of those things in life we cant stop, take back or move forward. I wondered all day about the newtown's families, specially your family. I have asked god so many times about Love about forgiveness, about serenity about wisdom. I have asked why this happened and I have come to the conclusion that we can't question god, I also have learned that love helps us heal.

    The more I learn about you and your family the more I admire you, here you are teaching us a lesson with your kindness and your wisdom, here you are teaching your granddaughter about love, when life has taken a big part of your life. Impressive! May god continue to give you strength and wisdom and as I always tell you, I know one day you will see Noah again as it is god's promise for those who believe.

    I pray that one day I can meet you in person. You have taught me so much. Continue to grow love in your heart - that's what Noah was all about. LOVE

    God bless

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  15. MC - Your pictures and words are beautiful, as always. Your grandchildren are as wonderful, smart, strong, and caring as are their mother and grandmother.

    Every time I see Farine in my inbox, I cannot wait to get to this website and read what you have to say. As usual, I cried as I have everyday since Dec 14, 2014.

    We all love you, your family and all the families of Newtown.

    God Bless,

    Eric
    Burke VA

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  16. I can't believe it has been two mos already but at the same time it seems like yesterday this senseless tragedy took place. I feel a loss for words but not tears. Bless sweet Noah and the other angels and their surviving families. I admire Ur family MC and I can only imagine what u have been going thru. Wish someday I could meet u and Ur family, not to intrude but to show my support to u all and my love and hugs. Even though I don't know u Noah or Ur family u feel like family. I think the whole world had felt a loss with this tragedy and feel love for sweet Noah. I am sure it comes in waves,Ups and downs! I look forward to Ur post about sweet memories of Noah and his family. Bless Ur sweet granddaughter! U are all always in my thoughts think of u everyday!! My family had tacos in memory of Noah today, which we have quite often and I think of sweet Noah loving it and wondering what kind of tacos he loved..thought of him enjoying valentines today and him
    opening card and having sweet treats with a very cute smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye! Boy oh boy how I wish things were different..wish he was here with his family. My prayers are with u always. Thank u for Ur beautiful writing and sharing Ur memories and new memories with Ur family. Hugs to u!!!!!!
    Lindsay

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  17. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor 13:13. Mc few years ago when my Father, my best friend, pass away, I was working with a Dentist and she had lost her younger sister she was hit by a car, I told her I couldn't bare the pain in my heart because I couldn't hug and see my daddy's loving face I wanted time to fly so the pain would go away she told me " we may never get use to live out life without them but we must learn to live life without and for them is hard but we must try" how ...remembering them and celebrating their life and I think that all our loved ones not here with us would like that including our Angel Noah.. Mc I'm praying to God to teach us and the other Newtown families how to cope with this loss and may he heal the pain on our heart. May God bless you and your family especially the little ones. Noah always in my heart hugs from Chicago EB

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  18. Dear MC, It's so difficult to wish you 'happy St. Valentine's day". But I hope that one day the relief will come. I am sure that Noah & his friends had vonderfull St. Valentine's in heaven. He is very much alive in yours and ours hearts :) Time will pass no matter what you do. I hope that our presence here on your blog supports you somehow in keeping His memory alive. Hugs & kises, Alex from PL

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  19. I wish I could say that I don’t hate the bad guy. But I can’t. What I am proud to say is that I love a little boy that I never met, I think of him every day, I pray for his family every night, and loving him has made me a better person. I am so, so, so sorry this happened.

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  20. I was thinking about the exact thing yesterday. What is love? Where do we find love? How do we know love?

    Love can be a noun or a verb. Sometimes we have to dig very deep and work hard at loving and in that moment love is a verb. Other times we feel like we can almost grasp it because it comes so naturally and it's a noun.

    On Wednesday night I was heading out to orchestra. I gave my son Myles who is just shy of 5 a hug and as he walked away to go and work on something really important like Lego or Power Rangers he hugged his chest and said, "when I hug Mama my heart glows,...red with love." It was such an incredibly powerful moment for me. That a small child could articulate something so beautiful almost absentmindedly off the cuff. Time stood still in that moment and was no longer the constant mathematical Chronos it became Kairos-that supreme moment of indeterminable time when something special happens. In your posts you identify so many Kairos moments with your grandchildren.

    I wish for all more Kairos moments. They make the hard parts of life somehow more tolerable.

    With LOVE,

    Lisa Harper

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  21. Six very deserving medals handed out today in honor of six very deserving women. God bless everyone.

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  22. What a wise girl, your granddaughter and as always, your eloquent way of expressing your own thoughts has given me something to think about in another way. I'd say that is another gift of yours.

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  23. Eloquent and powerful - as usual. You have many gifts. Bread, yes…..writing, absolutely. Thank you always for sharing you sane wisdom in such profound ways.

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  24. Its been 2 months and for me the sadness has not faded, I thought after the tv stopped flashing the victims faces, I would move on, but that has not happened. At night when I close my eyes I can see a little boy on his knees holding yellow flowers as if to say, here these are for you.....! I am reminded at that point,, to pray for Noah and the other children. For their parents, and siblings who in their private way have had to deal with the unfathomable loss. Sometimes the prayers bring me peace other times, I am too angry to fall asleep. I wish it was a horrible nightmare, but the reality is that these children will never come back and as a nation/world the emptiness still persists.

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  25. I've said it before, this affected me in a way unlike any other national tragedy and every time I look at my own little boy, I want to cry for you and Veronique and Noah and his brothers and sisters, and for all of the families. I simply cannot fathom losing him. It would be so easy to hate that person for what he did, but then hate wins and hate should never win. Love is a gift, as well as a skill, and it needs to be nurtured on all levels. If I allow myself to hate, then what does that teach my little boy or my not-so-little girl? Love isn't always easy, but it is always better.

    I don't hate, but I don't forgive, either (not that it's up to me, whether to forgive or not. I believe that solely remains with the families.) I choose instead to focus on love - for the families, for Noah and his classmates, for the adults who tried so hard to keep them safe.

    Many hugs,

    Kim

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    1. Well said, Kim. It is very hard not to hate that person. I honestly have not thought about him very often. The few times that I have, I did hate and I did wonder what could cause a person to get to that point. It still makes me sad and angry. I have even gotten angry with God; how could he allow this to happen. I have cried every single day and I don't know any of the people. I think love is the way to go. I do I have a lot of love for the 26 families and the 26 victims. I guess my emotions are a mess and it is hard to sort out. By seeing the pictures of Noah, thinking about it, and crying, it keeps me from forgetting. It keeps me focused that something has to change. I didn't feel like this after Columbine, Virginia Tech, Aurora, or any other mass shootings. I can only pray that nobody else forgets like we all did in the past. These deaths cannot be in vain. We cannot pretend it never happened. As Noah's sister, Danielle, said, "This is the new normal."

      God Bless all, especially the victims and their families.

      Peace and Love,

      Eric
      Burke VA

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    2. Wow Eric, that's the way I feel. I have been going through so many different emotions and all I did was cry. I cried for losing Noah and I cried even more for the pain this amazing mother must be going through. If I was feeling this way for a child I had never met, I couldn't even imagine what his family must be feeling. I felt lost and helpless. I wanted to find a way to know that this family was going to be okay and let them know that I was here if there was anything in this world that I could do for them.

      I too wanted to blame God for letting this happen. I had lost all faith. I emailed churches and got no response. I couldn't sleep at night and it was driving me insane. I knew I had to try to be strong for my two boys but it was hard. The pain was deep. I never felt so much pain in my heart. I didn't want God to ever forgive this man for taking those 26 lives from us. He does not deserve forgiveness.

      I started going back to church and to be honest, its the only place where I can feel a little peace. Maybe I, we, will heal with time, but we will never forget. I will not let myself forget that beautiful innocent little boy. My son reminds me of him every day.

      And maybe someday, not today, I'll have the heart to forgive that man.

      My prayers go out to this family.

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    3. Lizzette,

      I wrote that last night then watched the video from the link on the post below. Then I watched another video of Veronique. I was so, so sad. I cried and I got mad at God again. I am somewhat comforted by the fact that I am not the only one who feels lost and helpless. I thought I was crazy. It is a shame that this seems the new normal. I keep asking God to let me know that those 26 who were killed are ok and that their families will be ok.

      I do go to church with my family but I have not felt the peace yet. I cannot imagine how the familes feel. I certainly have not forgiven that man. Sometimes I am not sure if I am more mad at him or at God for allowing this to happen. I feel terrible that I get mad at God, but I cannot help it. I once had an Episcopal and later a Catholic priest tell me that it is ok to be mad at God.

      I will never forget the massacre nor the victims either. I cannot let myself. The world is now different to me. It is a sadder place. I don't want my kids to see that. I am trying to focus on the love. I am focusing on trying to make a difference. I wrote my two Senators and my congressman. All three responded and there was some hope in their message. I have done some fundraising but I want, no I need to do more. I feel that is my path to peace, love, and forgiveness. Time will tell.

      God Bless.

      Peace and Love,

      Eric
      Burke VA

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  26. On the subject of forgiveness your daughter is both eloquent and courageous; a beautiful tribute to her little man.

    http://www.odysseynetworks.org/video/mother-of-sandy-hook-victim-noah-pozner-forgiveness-takes-time

    You are all in my prayers.

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  27. Ah,...now that's what I mean by love as a verb. Veronique clearly was "actively" working at loving when she lit that second candle. She did it because Noah would have. Sometimes love isn't easy and takes work. We all need to actively work at loving every day. If we did, the world would be a better place.

    Lisa

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  28. MC, I just wanted to say that I saw the interview with Veronique referenced above. She talked about what a forgiving child Noah was, just a very special boy.

    Secondly, I wanted to express gratitude that there will be playgrounds in CT and NY remembering the children and named in their honor. I knew that Noah and I were kindred spirits, his playgroud will be in the Rockaways, Queens, New York. We used to go there as kids and Breezy Point, which is nearby. I look forward to honoring Noah's memory there.

    Peace, Love

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  29. MC, thank you for sharing with us the story of Noah and your family. I admire you and your family: the faith and profound kindness, the strength and love you spread around you (inside and outside the circle). You are so talented while choosing the words, it is an art of living and lesson of humanity! I think you should write a book. Thank you so much and please keep writing.

    love
    Monika (from Switzerland)

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  30. I servied my country 2 tours lost good friends, when I saw noah pic I cryed , noah you will never be forgotten like my bothers that lost ther lives in combat you will be there watching over me, US Army S.F

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  31. Daily I think of this sweet little boy Noah and his classmates, full of love is right and it's all I have for all of them, and the deep sadness I feel for their parents, siblings, and families loss as a whole,

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