Tuesday, May 14, 2013

May 14th, 2013

Thirty years ago today, I married the man I live with. Five months ago today, we lost our grandson Noah in a mass murder in Sandy Hook, CT. We like to think of Time in terms of growth and change and growing older together offers daily opportunities for both. But when Time is brutally interrupted, as it was on December 14th, 2012, it comes to a painful standstill. I look at my other six-year old grandson - six weeks younger than Noah and now, of course, older than his cousin - and I grieve for the little boy who wasn't allowed to become what he was meant to be.
I grieve for him and I grieve for our family. As if it were not tragic enough that Noah was murdered, five months later, parts of our family are being ripped asunder by brutal internal forces which compound the pain and suffering by destroying the bonds that would make mourning a little less unbearable. Sadly, post-traumatic shock syndrome has become our reality.
But the ties that the Man and I forged on May 14, 1983 are stronger and more alive than ever. There is immense comfort in finding the same partner by your side, day in and day out, in sickness and in health, in sadness and in joy, in having your hand fit into another's hand whose warmth and touch are as familiar as your own, more maybe, in knowing that, every day, you have the unique power to make someone's world a little brighter that it would otherwise be and that he has the same power in return. Time, interrupted, will never be repaired but there is much to be said for enduring love. My wish for the future is that it will one day be allowed to prevail again.

23 comments:

  1. Happy Anniversary MC. Sorry to hear of the struggles that your family is having. You and your husband will be a strong beacon of love for them for many many years to come.

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  2. Just keep loving MC. Time will repair what is meant to be repaired, and there is nothing we can do about the rest but try and love our way through it.

    Happy anniversary. So glad that you have a special person to travel these journeys with you.

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  3. Thirty years together... actually more than that, of course...

    you've been through so much together, I know you are stronger for being a well connected couple, and hope that this strenght will help you help your family members.

    Post traumatic disorder is a serious, difficult thing to overcome.

    Thanks for writing yet another beautiful and touching post.

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  4. Wishing you a very Happy Anniversary. Hope many more to come.

    Noah and his family are in my prayers. May time help them cope.

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  5. I agree with anonymous. I am trying to focus on acting with love & compassion. Love you you & Papi!

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  6. I think that when we hurt, we unfortunately lash out at those closest to us because we feel that with the unconditional love of family it is safe...... hopefully, before it becomes too late, we come to the realization that even with familial love, we can damage it beyond repair.

    I know as a mother you are hurting for your children. Mothers must come to a point that we know we raised our children with values and common sense and after a time, we must release them to themselves and the direction of God. All we can do is advise if appropriate and pray for them.

    I am so happy that you have your husband to help you through the unfortunate times that have been thrust upon you. Take joy in him and in your grandchildren, you will catch glimpses of Noah through them.

    Love and prayers........sherri

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  7. Stay strong, MC. Stay strong.

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  8. Also........ CONGRATULATIONS AND HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! :)

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  9. Signora ha ragione su tutto. Conosco anch'io purtroppo la sindrome da shock post-traumatico per averla vissuta dopo la mia tregedia personale tanti anni fa. La delicatezza con cui ne parla mi conferma ancora una volta che lei signora ha una marcia in più. Il mio pensiero va a sua figlia perchè una madre lo strappo della perdita lo sente profondo nel suo ventre, per tutta la vita. Lo so che è difficile questo momento spero e prego che alcune cose si possano superare. Ho visto il tributo che sua nipote ha fatto a Noah su you tube. Oggi in macchina, nel mio viaggio di ritorno dal lavoro, ascoltavo una radio italiana molto popolare mentre pensavo che oggi erano 5 mesi ed ero anche molto dispiaciuta per ciò che lei ha detto prima sulla sua famiglia, pensavo al sorriso innocente di Noah. Ad un tratto è andata in onda in radio, la canzone del video "How To Save A Life " e ho pensato che fosse Noah... <3

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  10. Happy Anniversary MC you deserve the best. As for the conflict within your family that seems so unnecessary at a time like this, i am sorry for that. Stay strong MC

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  11. I hope things resolve themselves soon,,,,,,, Happy aniversary and hold on to what you have

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  12. I like what Terri wrote about seeing glimpses of Noah through your family. I'm sure he is near you, always.
    I'm sorry that things are so very difficult right now, more than before & I hope for you all that the love your family share shows itself as strongly as possible.

    You are a strong soul, MC, that's for sure.

    It is lovely to think of you and your husband comforting each other & continuing your journey together, sharing the pain as well as the joys. What a blessing.

    Happy Anniversary to you both!
    X Julia.

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  13. Happy anniversary MC! I am with you, thinking every day of Noah, his mum, dad, sibillings. I hope they will find a solace one day. All the best, always yours, Alex

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  14. I once read that "Sometimes its easy to find fault with our flesh and blood,to take them for granted or perhaps even ignore them because we are to busy with our own personal lives but, when they leave unexpectedly without bidding you farewell your world is irrevocably shaken to its core and you are never quite the same. We are then reminded that we have no say in when we come into this world or when we depart from it, and it is up to us to find meaning in the moments that we live knowing that each person who comes into our presence does so for a reason a season or a lifetime.

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  15. My husband and I just celebrated our nine year anniversary on May 9th. Having someone to love and who loves you in return is a wonderful blessing. Together you are stronger. I am so sorry to hear your family is suffering more. I will continue to pray for all of you. Noah is never far from my thoughts. God bless you, HM



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  16. Dear MC,
    It is a wonderful thing to have that one person who will love and support you through all of life's ups and downs. I wish you both many more happy years together! I had read about some difficulties within your family and I was so saddened about it. Perhaps a way of coping for some is to lash out at those who are closest to them. I truly hope that your family can put this behind them and move forward. Family is the most important thing to me and has gotten me through a lot of tough times. My thoughts are with you all as you continue to navigate these uncharted waters. Noah would want his family to be whole. All the best, Liz

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  17. MC - I am so sorry. I had read this on an online newspaper and hoped it was exaggerated. As always I pray daily for you and your whole family. We love you.

    God Bless.

    Peace and Love,

    Eric
    Burke VA

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  18. You write so beautifully. I hold you in my thoughts and prayers. I think of Noah & your family every day.

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  19. Just thinking of everyone today.
    love...

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  20. I think of Noah so often and his beautiful eyes... like a gentle giant... perhaps if we all acted like gentle giants we could allow a little piece of Noah to grow within us...I keep praying for you and your family... I love you Noah and you will always remind me of loving with all my heart...thank you so much for writing...

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  21. Sorry to hear of the struggles that you and your family are going through. Please know that I continue to pray for you and the rest of the Sandy Hook families by name. I'm glad you have a husband which can walk with you through this process of grieving and emotional battles. And I have not forgotten about Noah or the other 25, and never will. Praying you can find some sense of peace and joy over this holiday weekend.

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  22. Hello MC,
    I have not written in awhile but I want you to know that I still think of your family and talk to Noah everyday. I put my children to bed and say goodnight to them, and I say goodnight to Noah as well.
    Hope you are doing ok, emotionally and physically.
    In my heart forever,
    Megan

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  23. Dear MC,

    Pain often brings many other things along with it that add to the hurt. I'm sorry for your suffering on all levels. I am happy thought that you have something to celebrate. Congratulations on your anniversary but more importantly, on creating and maintaining a wonderful relationship.

    Lisa

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