Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Eight months

Eight months have gone by since Noah and his classmates were murdered by a crazed gunman in Newtown, CT. It feels like hundreds of days... We didn't expect the grief to abate and it hasn't. It has morphed though: right after the massacre, it was pain, horror, despair and a dire sense of loss. Now it is all that plus an acute awareness of the destruction the tragedy is wreaking on all of us.
Yesterday a sinkhole swallowed up a building at a resort near Orlando, Florida. We know all about sinkholes. The one that Noah's death opened up in our midst is gaping wider everyday, threatening to pull us under. If he were to walk back into our midst, I doubt he would recognize the family landscape.
That being said, we have reasons to be hopeful: there is a strong web of love between us as well and a wondrous sense of the preciousness of children, big and small, and the feeling that Noah is close to each and everyone of his siblings just as he was when he was still alive.
Noah loved his family with all his heart. No torrent can sweep that bedrock away. One day it will be the foundation on which healing begins.

26 comments:

  1. Just love and heartbreak for this beautiful child and his family. I never knew that loosing someone I never met could be so painful.

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    1. I feel the same. He has become as much a part of me as my own family. A day does not go by that I don't think of Noah, talk to him, say a prayer, and despair at this tragedy. I cannot imagine what his family must be going through, if the way I feel is any indication.
      MR

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    2. I, also, feel the same. Everytime I see Noah I ache to hold him and kiss the top of his beautiful head. I can not stand thinking about what happened to him and the other children. It makes me want to scream, WHY! I am so sorry to hear that this is tearing your family apart. You all are always in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless You, HM

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  2. The beauty of this particular photo of Noah is so intense that I have trouble looking at it.

    You are absolutely right, no torrent can sweet that bedrock away, and I do hope it will comfort you and the whole family as years go by.

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  3. sending you my thoughts of hope as well. I am still speechless and will always be. love, Barbara

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  4. My wish for you is the hope that tomorrow will be a more gentle place than today... no doubt with Noah's enduring and magnificent love being the foundation for all that is possible.

    Much love,
    Erin G.

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  5. I think about him everyday I feel like I know him. I cannot imagine what his family must be going through. Im sorry for your loss.

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  6. This is a beautiful picture of Noah. Thanks for sharing :)

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  7. Such a beautiful picture of Noah. Rips at my heart thinking about what happened eight months ago. I still pray for you and your family.

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  8. Dear Farine, I cannot not even fathom what you and your family have been going through the past eight months after losing your Noah in such a tragic way. I, too, am a grandmother with two grandsons, one named Noah (he is 3). Since Newtown, my husband and I have become staunch supporters of the many efforts to enact sensible gun legislation in this country. We have not had to endure what you have but your sorrow is felt by many of us and, hopefully, all the grandmas and grandpas, moms and dads, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings standing together will make a difference in the long run. I wish you peace and comfort.

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  9. Want you to know that the memory of this precious child and others lost at Newtown still tears at me. I've gotten very active in Moms Demand Action to try to help make our world safer for our kids. If I didn't do anything, I would feel like I'd be saying this kind of tragedy is inevitable or somehow just bad luck. We can't control everything, but there are things we can do. May this sweet boy's memory be for a blessing.

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  10. Want you to know that the memory of this precious child and others lost at Newtown still tears at me. I've gotten very active in Moms Demand Action to try to help make our world safer for our kids. If I didn't do anything, I would feel like I'd be saying this kind of tragedy is inevitable or somehow just bad luck. We can't control everything, but there are things we can do. May this sweet boy's memory be for a blessing.

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  11. Hello MC, Each photo of Noah speaks to me, and this one is no exception -- what a sweet and innocent expression in his kind face. I cannot imagine all the grief your family has endured, but I want you to know that I think of Noah every day, and I feel that I knew him. He is a martyr, and, as Veronique said, he has increased our humanity. His death will not be in vain. Love to your family.

    Eileen

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  12. MC,

    Thinking of you and your family. Not just the 14th of every month, but every day. Grief never really goes away, it's always in the background like a dark fog that can consume you often, out of no where, and quickly. It can bring you to tears and to your knees when you recall something they did/said/smelled like. Or you can choose to try and smile through those tears. When a child is lost, there are so many "what-ifs" and imagining. Trust me, I have done it 1,000 times. What would they be like at 13? at 18? In Noahs case, 7? Or I sometimes imagine some of the conversations myself and my sister would have had. Or the things I would have bought her. Or arguements we would have had as she would have been 13 and probably a handful.

    I hope you are doing well with your treatments.
    Take care,
    Amy C :)

    P.S I have been attempting to bake bread. :)

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  13. MC,
    As always, I am thinking of you and your family. I truly hope that Noah's entire family can heal and come together again. I'm sure Noah would be so sad and hurt to see his family as they are today. Peace, love and hope to you all. Liz

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  14. I'm so, so incredibly sorry for your loss. I still cry when I read about it. Please know that many of us are doing everything we can to make sure this doesn't happen again.

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  15. Thinking of you and your family today, MC.

    Many hugs,

    Kim

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  16. I am just so sorry for this loss. I will never forget what happened & I hold you & your family in my thoughts a prayers every day. I am glad you spend time w/your other grandchildren & share stories of Noah. Take care of your health and know that you have people who care & support you. You write so well & I love reading your thoughts because they are uplifting to me. Love from Colorado.

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  17. Signora MC aspettavo oggi il suo post.
    ...Noah e tutte le vittime di Sandy Hook sono nei nostri cuori. La strada verso la guarigione e' lunga ma i bambini fanno miracoli. Saranno i suoi nipoti ad aiutarvi in questo percorso ad ostacoli difficile ma non impossibile da superare
    ... e' il mio augurio ma sono sicura che il vostro Angelo Bello vi aiutera' da lassu'. Dall' Italia sempre con grande affetto. Fedra. ♥

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  18. I still remember the moment I heard about this tragedy. I also remember you recounting the moment you heard as well. Not a day goes by that I do not think of you, Veronique and Noah. Love from the heartland.............sherri

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  19. Oh Ms. Farine... I wish I could say something that would make things better, a band-aid for the soul, but I can't think of anything. I can't suggest anything to help with the grief over the loss of Noah and the gaping hole he left, but there are more children in your family that need their family, young ones and adult ones. They need laughs and happy memories, but I understand that grief is like a shadow that follows you everywhere, especially on sunny days. Just don't forget those that are alive. A mother who lost her two children once said: Your names and memory will never be forgotten!!! May you be welcomed in by my twin angels!! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Always-Remember-Joshua-and-Christian-DeMello/120350994653734

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  20. We remembered Noah when the kids were playing at a little castle in a park here in Canberra, MC. He would have loved it. He was there and everywhere that funny, mischevious spirit of his takes him!
    I like that your last thought in the post was of healing.
    xjulia

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  21. Dear MC,

    Oh my goodness. Eight months later and we are all still filled with grief. I grieve over the strife in your family. I hope, for the sake of the other children, they can overcome it. They need to be loved. Noah loves them and hopes that they can continue with normal lives (as normal as possible without him. Oh dear, I am crying thinking about it. It makes me sad that people think they cannot wait 5 minutes for a background check so that we could potentially save even one life. What selfishness.

    I am rambling so it is time to go. Know that we love you.

    God Bless.

    Peace and Love,

    Eric
    Burke VA

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    1. "It makes me sad that people think they cannot wait 5 minutes for a background check so that we could potentially save even one life".

      Couldn't agree more.
      Keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers!

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  22. I think of Noah everyday.

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  23. MC: I think of you everyday & your beautiful posts-so full of inspiration. I never met Noah, but I feel I knew him-such a sweet, happy little boy! Pictures of Noah bring a smile to my face but also heartbreak. Do take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts & prayers. Love from Colorado!

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