Tuesday, December 24, 2013

A Christmas wish

I made this little wreath for my Northwest grandkids in December 2012. I can't remember what I put in it except there must have been some chocolate because the photo is filed under "choco-crown" in my bread pictures folder. I know I used levain and I know I put in whole grains. But which ones and in what proportion, I do not recall. I can't even remember whether or not anyone got to eat it. Because the next thing that happened is that Noah was killed.
I won't look for my baking notes because it is too painful to travel back to an age where we thought little ones were safe from the endemic violence in our country. An age where we believed, wrongly, that making sure our kids would make it to adulthood was our nation's highest priority.
I know better now.
I know we were remiss last December in believing that locking the door to an elementary school was protection enough.
We are still remiss. Our culture tells us to ply our kids with presents and sweets at holiday time. Toys and clothes were piling up in the closet for Noah last year... But he wasn't there to unwrap them when the holidays came around. And neither were nineteen of his little classmates.
So let's look at our children and grandchildren this Christmas and find it in our hearts to do whatever we can to ensure they'll be with us today, tomorrow and for all time.


  1. Hi Farine,

    Wishing you and your family a Very Merry Christmas.

    Noah and his friends are always in my thoughts and prayers. Though we are Jewish, I bought my boys gifts for tomorrow on Christmas as well as Hanucka earlier.

    Always give them extra hugs and think of Noah.
    God Bless Noah and your wonderful family.
    Wishing you a Very Merry Christmas and as peaceful and loving 2014 as can be.

  2. Blessings to your family. A thought to be well-remembered now and always. Noah is always in my thoughts, as well as wishes for a different reality.

  3. Merry Christmas MC. May the New Year bring you much needed peace.

  4. Noah is never far from my thoughts. All my love to you and your beautiful family. All my love to beautiful Noah. God bless you. HM

  5. MC,
    There is nothing like a tragedy such as you experienced to really wake people up and unfortunately, if people aren't directly affected, life goes on as usual while your life has been shattered….Many harsh truths arise but so do many heart touching moments - like the unexplained goodness of people who do come out of the woodwork….I like to refer to them as angels. Another thing that happens is finding out just how many other people carry deep wounds from personal tragedy you never would have guessed prior to what happened to you and your family.
    I am one who forces myself to look at the good that does exist in regular every day life. The little things that others might overlook. Taking the time to really look at the checker at the grocery store…the person bagging my groceries. The mail man. The person standing next to me in a line at the library…life is full of surprises.
    Healing happens in stages…and it sometimes wraps back onto itself so progress seems to be lost. THe heart does know how to heal itself. There is just no set time frame. You know this already but sometimes I think we need to hear things repeated because we are human and forget….
    Be gentle with yourself…You are a remarkable person and so are all in your family. My heart goes out to you all as you face each new day without Noah - knowing that part of you really doesn't want to face another day with the ache in your heart - the all consuming grief.

  6. I am catching up the blogs I follow and just read your touching words. Please know that many people big and small are working hard to achieve your dream of a world free of danger (of gun violence) for the young and not so young. My wife is exec director of one such organization and she has the special honor of working with the parents of some of Noah's classmates, and has also met with leaders from Washington to our state capital and national organizations.

    It requires hard work, a strong stomach (to fight those from the NRA who think any reasonable regulations are taking away their rights), and a lot of courage. But please know that Noah and all of his classmates, and his other co-victims nationally are being remembered and worked for so that we can create a better society. I hope you have a peaceful holiday season.

    Also, thank you for teaching us all how to be dignified in the face of the worst situation one can be confronted with.



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